Drowning in a day dream !!!

******One wiff of your perfume,
And I'm ever lost at sea.
Adrift in wayward thought.
Emersed in sensual fantasy.

******Your face is etched in mind.
Your words burn where they lay.
Like lingering fireplace embers.
They both beg me to stay.

Dazzled by your eyes.
Longing for your lips.
Mesmerized by the mass of hair
Yearning for my fingertips.

If I linger TOO long,
I'll never face the day.
And, under the glow of the moon,
The night will sweep us away.

Shrill is the angry cry
The world insists we follow.
No time for passions and daydreams.
They all can wait til "tomorrow".

Still, I am tempted.
You know just how to pull me
Beneath the warm water's surface
(Far)Too deep for eyes to see.

Where will it all lead?
No mortal mind may know.
But, when both good and ready,
The right way we will go(and grow)******.

Trust in Friendship & Love

Is it possible there's a love at first sight relationship?  Will that last long and will everyone live happily ever after?  Does a man know his love by looking at her smile and want to spend his life with her? A relationship needs time to develop its love, trust and mutual understanding so how can love at first sight comes across? How can a person falls in love at first sight?  Maybe it's all chemistry.  But does chemistry last long?  Love is so magical and miracle. Sometimes when you find the person you love, from nowhere. People searching throughout their lives.  Maybe when you're not looking purposely, your love one will exist in front of you and at an instant, you fall in love.

Love is Blind. This is very true. You don't see clearly when you're fallen in love. When you start seeing clearly, that is the end of a relationship. When you start asking about what is love? Or will I be better off to start all over again without him/her? The relationship is in danger. But who can save the relationship? You? Him/her? Well, may be both of you need to find out what is the problem. There's no one way street in a love relationship. A relationship that can last is in a two way street. We both need to understand each other. If one side understood is not enough, both sides need to understand each other. But how often you find a two way street? Love is hard to find but it's even harder to find one love that last forever.

Does a long distance relationship ever work?  Some people said never... Some people said it's hard to maintain... But sometimes, if you survive a long distance relationship, your relationship will be stronger and lasts long.  It's hard to have a relationship in long distance physically and mentally.  Sometimes when you need your love ones and they are not available because of the distance, you tend to find someone else nearby to share with.  That's why sometimes another relationship maybe developing without your notice.  It's hard to maintain a relationship without much communication therefore when it comes to a long distance relationship, communication is the major key for the relationship to survive. Both parties must try the best to maintain the relationship, if one fails the whole relationship will fail as well... But if a long distance relationship survive, you will treasure each other more when you two together and will the relationship stronger and securer.

 When you have a question, you have to ask but will you always have an answer? Or what if you afraid to ask the question? Then the question will carry within you throughout your life without an answer. But do you really want to know the answer? Sometimes the answer will hurt as much as the question remain silence. Honesty is a good thing to have. But sometimes too honest may ruin your life. Life has so many questions that you may want to know the answers. But some questions that you may want to ignore and choose to escape from the answers which are right in front of you. Sometimes, there's a question that is so important to you, you will do whatever you can to find out the answer. But also, there's a question that is so important to you that you are afraid to have the answer for your question that will keep secretly inside your heart for rest of your life.

Just a Touch...

We start as strangers

Without a face.

We chat quite often.

Til we fall into place.

Sitting together.

Through all kinds of weather.

Two sleeves without an ace.

Our interests grow

With little provocation.

We find friendly ground

From across the nation.

Investing our time.

Without reason or rhyme.

Without hesitation.

How crazy to be me,

Sharing all that I am.

It's been done before.

And, it's been a shame.

I hope it will last.

Unlike the past,

Leaving me in a jam.

How crazy you are,

Pushing through every door.

Not a clue in your head

Of what is in store.

Pressing personal and fair.

Crossing bridge and double dare.

With a hunger for ever more.

We share wishful thoughts.

And, we toy with the notion.

We will travel the world.

Not stare at the ocean.

Flying side by side.

Us two will ride.

Two hearts in motion.

The date is set.

After much anticipation.

Our day will come.

When we hug in jubilation.

A nervous mess.

Excited at best.

Trembling with perspiration.

The moment comes

Not quite as we plan.

The plane arrives.

Meeting woman and man.

We sit on the couch.

Trying not to slouch.

Sharing all that we can.

And, then it happened...

When the moon showed its face,

Our hands did meet.

What was simple and friendly,

Became hardly discreet.

Hands became arms.

Legs, snaking charms.

Two souls joined heads to feet.

We didn't see it coming.

It was just a touch.

We've felt it all before.

And, yet, not so much.

It wasn't new.

And, yet, it grew

And became our crutch.

When faced with the truth,

We would not admit

That settling for less

Would leave us feeling like shit.

We were not ideal.

Our flaws were real.

The pieces didn't fit.

It didn't feel right

When we tried to part.

We thought of the clock.

Going back to the start.

But, it wouldn't work,

Giving up that perk.

'Left a fire in the heart.

Words became ugly

When confusion bit hard.

Our best and our worst

Caught us both off-guard.

We thought we knew

What we were up to

Til we played that "?" card.

And, so it continues,

Teetering day by day.

The balance beam wavers

Between passion and play.

We need to divide

Before we burn up inside.

Then, why do we stay?

We didn't see it coming.

It was just a touch.

We've felt it all before.

And, yet, not so much.

It wasn't new.

And, yet, it grew

And became our crutch.

Failures.....

Before you start reading this here's a warning. This is what I am feeling today.  I feel like a failure. I am just laying low…I feel like I am just giving up.  And who knows, I might just be giving up on the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life time.  But none the less, I feel like I am just throwing in the towel,  And I don't throw in the towel.  I don't know how to, I don't know when to, and I am pretty sure I don't know what that term even means.  I write to try and ease my pain a little. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm whining....I'm already sorry for existing.....I'm a person who really tries his hardest to do whatever he can. I even put other people before myself. Why is it that I always manage to fail... no matter what I do. Even when I try to fix something it just gets worse. My life is turning to a shit at a really fast rate and I can't stop it. It honestly feels like I really have nothing to live for since I'm easily forgotten until its convenient for someone. No matter how I go over it......no one really cares about me and those that do would be better off if they never knew me. Even if I hide behind a stoic face the longer I choose to pretend I'm happy the worse it is when I get back to the reality of what I can't even call a life. I'm nothing. A waste of space, money, time, and effort. I pray to God that, He shouldn’t give such shameless person as anyone’s son.  I'm honestly waiting for the day that everyone finally tells me that they're finally done with me. I wonder which is better sometimes.....to burn out or fade away. Knowing me I'd probably choose fade away and vanish. I'm a disappointment to my family and an embarrassment... I wouldn't blame anyone for being ashamed of me. I hurt everyone and they all pretend its ok. If I end things with myself I wonder how much more peaceful life would be. I wouldn't be around to see it.........

 I wake up every day in despair, extreme doom, tinged with high anxiety. Combined now as it is, within few months a mixture of debt chasing telephone calls, banks and various other debt chasing people, there is now no respite.

Staying Single

I feel like when people talk about singlehood it comes off as this super terrible thing...We know better. Just because there is no girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/significant other in our lives doesn't mean that our lives are this meaningless empty black hole. Come On!

So I wanted to dedicate this blog to what Rocks about being single...at least for me. Here are a few reasons:

1. I do what I want! The freedom to do whatever my heart desires. Yes, this is narcissistic. But it is just so much Fun! This goes back to the freedom piece - I get to do Whatever I Want. I'm young, how long will I be able to be this self-centered?? I am going to ride this horse as long as I can.

2. I don't feel any pressures or obligations to anyone. There are freedoms within relationships, yes. Relationships and love are wonderful, wonderful things but there are certain "rules" and "obligations" that come along with those. I only have me to worry about, I have obligations to my self- interests.

3. This is probably the most important one for me. I get time to know myself. I can reflect on who I am and not as someone's significant other. This is what I have historically done and now I can really try to understand myself and what I want for my own life.

4. I can flirt, I like to be flirtatious. It's super fun. I actually can and I have zero guilt.

5. I am able to love myself better everyday. I used to look outwards for my self-worth and how I was valued as a person. Once I switched my mindset that other people are not what determines that I can look inwards to myself for my value.

6. I can focus more on what I need to, less distraction

7. No shaving! The second most important thing is no one is there to yell at me for not shaving… I just love it as it is…no need to impress otherwise I will lose my freedom…

Some of these reasons are superficial but there are some real deep benefits to being single. The world has changed, yet some things stay the same..... being single is so cool! indeed it is, I enjoy the feelings of being so free! Being single means that nobody wants you. Now it means you're pretty sexy and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.------

“Imagine being happy and nobody believes you”, she said. I have my family, plenty of friends. I go out and do things. I travel, go to dinner and parties, hav the option of socializing. and i have to admit i love being single...no arguments, no commitments, no troubles and u can do whatever u want to!....life is so wonderful to waste with a wrong person!....... GO GO GO! singles!... Singles ROCK!!!

For me at least, how about you??

50 Hearts 50 Flames

Among my many collections
Of trinkets,
Toys,
Memories and treasures,
I sit with a box
Of hearts and candles.
Key chains and ornaments.
Dime store novelties
Crafted by "poorer" craftsmen.
They're not worth much.
But,
They hold a value to me.
I had hoped one day
To hand them out
To those who meant the most to me.
To let them know.
To remind them.
Key chains to symbolize keys.
The keys to my heart.
And,
Candles to symbolize the fire.
The little sparks of life
That they put in me.
And, hopefully,
I in them.
I don't want the flames to die.
I must keep them alive.
And,
I can't let go of my keys
Too quickly.
But,
Some have come and gone.
And, still,
They remain in memory.
In my heart.
They are not forgotten.
Surely,
They deserved a key or candle.
Otherwise,
Why would I cling to them?
But,
How can I be sure?
Shall I put them aside?
Hang a key
And perch a candle
For each of those
Who had an impact?
I may not see them
Now or ever again.
Fifty hearts and fifty flames.
Too many is uncertain.
Too few is more likely.
Still,
I cling to them
Waiting for "someday".
I'd like to think
It's the thought that counts.
I hope I don't waste them
Nor let them go to waste.