Just Once

Just once
I'd like to wake up
And not be afraid to face the day.
To not get that uneasy feeling
Of being alone and aimless.
Of not knowing how to fill my day
Without relying merely on "tinkering",
Shopping, walking and hobbies
That all take money
And time away from making money
Which this world demands of me.
Which makes me shake.
I can't be creative
Or think too much, too long,
When work is in demand
And service I must supply.
My life is on the line.
And, the clock keeps ticking.
I hate that feeling.

Just once
I'd like to wake up smiling,
Eager and grateful for each new day.
Ready with a plan.
Never wasting a moment
On fidgetting, second-guessing and worry.
I'd know just how to make the most
Of time and season.
I'd approach others warmly
Without concern and hesitation.
Without preoccupation.
A clear head
Whether or not the sky is cloudy.
No regrets.
Accepting and learning
From accidents and mistakes.
Helping to make this world
A better place.
Making an honorable name for myself.

Just once
I'd like to know
And believe
I'm alright.
I'm safe.
I can relax.
I'm happy with my life.
My family.

I await...
No.
I seek that day
Like a lighthouse at sea.
I want to believe it's there.
That I will find it.
Reach it.
Achieve it.
Have and hold it.
Be grateful for it.
Just once.