Emotional Equilibrium

Hey friends!

Its been a Long time..... no Blog.....I guess... Since I don't want you people to feel like I abandoned ship after boarding the Ship of Love.....I decided to blog today about the EMOTIONS that I felt in this week... It would be difficult to blog tomorrow or later on coz tomorrow is a holiday and i am going to sleep on this day..ha ha ha... I am going to watch Vampire Diaries (Season 2) later but I couldn't help myself from typing in "BLOGGER" as I have nothing to do now sitting in office on a Saturday afternoon... Well lemme stop rambling! 

She shall remain nameless here... . Well, recently I have been acting a bit FLIRTY with her. I enjoy in my relationship, even though it can sometimes be difficult.  When I hug her, the whole world seems to melt away. That is one of the best feelings I have ever had. There was a time when I swore I would never fall in love and never live happily ever after but things always change in life.  You just have to deal with it.

She is much younger than me and way more free spirited.  I don't know what attracted me. All I know was to hang on to this relationship with locks and chains. She's the kind of person that can't sit still for more than five minutes and has to have people around her constantly while I'm more of a loner.  I relish any chance I can to be alone. :P

I can't bear the thought of being without her. She's anything I need when I need it. She knows when to give me a kick in the butt when I need it. I don't know how, but somehow I end up doing the same with her. I love her more than anything, and it comes as naturally as breathing. We've never had an awkward silence (unless it's a funny one), or an argument or a fight. Honestly, she's made some mistakes and she's far from perfect but the same goes for me (I do a lot more). She has a lot of the qualities that I wish I had and a lot of things that we share. She makes me forget the whole world just by talking to her on the phone.

If only we could be close to each other....... Some cruel fate decided to put us on separate sides of the country. My heart aches...every time I wish I had her here... Distance leads to differences....And that’s what has happened...

I have learnt that no matter how hard you try to do good for someone, they won’t realise for a very long time. That yearn you have for her to see that you are the one available, you are the one caring and asking if she has eaten, but she doesn’t realize, she think its common courtesy, she doesn’t notice you have so much more to say. There’s always that hope that maybe ten years later she'll remember and re-discover the way i used to behave, but is it worth it in the end?

There will always be people who give out in earnest and there will always be people who take with no thought, a balance of the two, an equilibrium is a nice thought, and for many people - a reality. But for the rest of us all, who lie awake at night, remembering the one sided conversation, what we could have said differently, there is a way to beat this.

It’s hard to handle someone with trust issues. It makes you feel like you are constantly defending yourself against a bombardment of accusations at every turn. Its exhausting. No matter what you say, they always assume you’re lying. I realize that sometimes the truth may be hard to swallow, and I have my reservations at times. Because things may appear to look a certain way, you can conjure-up every negative assumption possible, but sometimes the truth doesn't add up--it just doesn't. Sometimes the trust isn't what you want to hear, or want to believe---but its the TRUTH.

Trust is the foundations, and without it, our house will crumble. The only thing I can do is stick by my honesty. If she refuses to believe me, then we both will loose in the end.

Sometimes a lie is....”she refusing to believe the truth”...

I love her. Everyday I love her more and I feel so safe saying so. I feel safe putting myself in such a weak position. We have to stay strong. I want to be with her and be able to love her my whole life. I don’t know what she wants....but I wish... the sole dream of mine gets fulfilled.

My thoughts dissolve into the deepening of night

To hang suspended for briefest time

A lucid light against celestial night

And one wonders

Who shapes and fashions the thoughts we conceive

I am the seer of my dreams for I am the oracle of my soul.

Some say dreams are symbols

Where...this means this and that means that

And I smile within

And my soul laughs on the cusp of other awakenings

Men want such simple answers cast in black and white

And yet I dream in colours the world has never seen.

My soul wanders with my dreams along unremembered paths.

Which while hidden by day

The ebony night reveals.

Dreams have told me the future that I’d never seen

And I have seen future that I wasn’t brave enough to believe.

Yes,

And future as a picture laid

As if to accompany a story on a page.

Have you never flown within your dreams

And did it seem so unreal

Haven’t you ever directed your dreams

To a wish for end

To answer your desires?

You do not hear with ears the voices that speak within

We are alive to other senses there than we know below.

Thoughts are not the last freedom of the soul but dreams ~

Dreams beyond the telling of words

But kept in the knowing of the heart.

I have dreamt

And on the following day

Seen how the answer to a prayer would have been fulfilled.

I have dreamt the amber of sunset in your eyes

And the faint rose of dawn

Whose touch glows upon your cheeks and lingers on your lips.

You, who I have never held,

Who moves within my dreams as a stirrer of my soul –

Is this just the wisp of emotion imagined a moment before dawn

To hold until the sunrise

Or kindred soul I’ve known so long,

Beyond the telling of ages

And beyond the meaning of man’s understanding of love,

An younger heart who still delights in me

During infrequent dreams

As shifting shadows that mortal minds recall

But eternal hearts warm to

As if embraced with a kiss after distant journeys.

As if to say,

Still

You are mine and I am forever yours.

For dreams which vanish with the light of day are not forgotten,

And perhaps it happened once upon a dream...