Saturday, October 9, 2010

Random Thoughts: Stream of Consciousness


Is there really ever a beginning? I mean ever one you can get to...  When people ask you to start at the beginning, what does that mean? Do you start at the beginning of that moment, day, year...? Do you start at what lead you to the moment, day or year....?  And exactly, how much of the beginning does one really want to hear anyway?  So, I'm not going to start at any particular 'beginning'...I'm just going to write. There won't be a story line or piece by piece puzzle that will all fit together into some grand picture at the end of this journey...This is just me, a guy with a whole lot of questions, a whole lot of heartache, frustration, loneliness.....and love.  

i don't know what to say to her
do i tell her everything will end up right
or do i say how much i care 
and that i'll be here till the end?
how do i bring the smile back to her face
i miss the way she used to look
a grin from ear to ear
i thought she would be so happy 
but broken hearts get to the best of us
I don't know what to say to her
she doesn't believe a word i say
i tell her that  i'd give her a hug 
she doesn't know how to respond
I'd do anything to see a smile on her face
passion in her eyes
love breaking her heart

 Well, I'm in the middle of homework.  Homework due tomorrow.  Anyway....lets see here... though I had actual thoughts but maybe more than anything… I'm procrastinating.  It's ironic really.  I'm a bad student who doesn’t like making good grades....therefore i'm also a procrastinator.   I'm not as much of one as i use to be but i still have my moments.  I feel like things have been mostly about training and work and some sleep and thoughts about her.  i feel like the past week or two has been mostly that...ok not entirely but mostly.....I feel kinda ADD right now.....maybe that's why my thoughts r not exactly organized....at least its organic, right? lol.....I feel so  in need of a break.  It's not that too much is on me but its just that I have stuff to do all the time.  But its better probably for me than not being busy.  When i'm not busy I have a hard time relaxing, and i just tend not to do as well.  If i'm way to busy it wears on me too....I just have to find my balance.  Now that things r done w/ Vasu, I feel in need of some friend time, ha and shopping time.   I even have hang out shoping plans lined up, but there w/ a friend that things r alright w/ but we have history.  Sometimes I feel like i don't even know if i should only be friend with vasu.... According to me she is the only one who could make me perfect in various aspects....that sounds kinda weird, maybe rude but i do wonder sometimes.  I guess its just that i have friends and that i have seen both their good and bad sides and when i was younger i really didn’t have those kind of friends, the ones u know too well.   

Man, i hope i don't sound like a jerk.  I guess I'm just questioning things. right now i want things to stay kinda stable as they r, mostly cus i don't wanna experience isolation....

Couldn’t feel much better than the way I feel tonight.
Feels like I could live forever, feels like I could fly
Coz when I thought I’d get it wrong,
You somehow make things right
It’s the way you make me feel
It’s better than it’s ever been
I can’t seem to control it,
It’s the way you make me feel

Weird…huh… idk where all of this babbling is coming from.... I don't know it would be an approval or rejection from you... to publish u or not... random thoughts? that is the question. Awaiting for the answer

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