28.11.10
Its 3.27 am and am still awake…feeling
sleepy but can’t sleep. Thousands of questions in my mind… seeking to find out
those answers. Got some but many unanswered. Why me, why always me, never
thought my life would change so much….no feelings left, no emotions left. Is
this what my life is going to be? Doesn’t he remember me ever. I remember how
happy I used to be, but today am standing on the threshold of life full of
anger, anxiety, sadness, madness, love, hatred. I know I have to move on…. Move
forward in my life, but how? Can’t I be happy “Alone”, is it necessary to have
a soul-mate in your life. Confused!!
I am moving forward..slowly, steadily,
taking every decision in my life with a calm mind. But am I right?
I don’t understand who is serious and who is
playing with my emotions, I just know that somebody is trying to make my
emotions alive which were dead since long……..
But can it happen? Can I ever think of
somebody else? Oh God!! Please help me out..
Surprisingly enough, may be I am still
thinking about him, who has made me laugh after such a long time, made me cry,
helped me to take out my emotions, frustrations, anger.
He feels we are more than friends, he conveys…
he likes me, loves me, LOVE what a beautiful word…but is he serious? Even I am
getting inclined towards him. Is this a normal phenomena or just an indication
that my life hasn’t stopped. I can still be Loved and can love
somebody….somebody so special….
Its 3.53 am, we were talking with each
other an hour back, I thanked him for being with me till so late…..he said “are
u mad? How can you tell me thank you…I will be always there for you”. It made
me feel so special…so cared…so loved….but now an hour later am again “Alone”,
sad, unhappy and confused. Does he really love me or is he making a mockery out
of me…may be he is serious or he would be feeling happy doing this…I don’t
know…
Why am I feeling like this? Why? Is this
LOVE or just an attraction…
We both are sailing on the same ship, both
of our hearts broken by somebody, trying to recover from the situations…Can we
be good friends or he is the only one whom I was looking for. May be…. May be
Not, but yes he is special, and he has made me feel special.
Its 4.13 am and am still awake, now
smiling, blushing, recalling the words that he was trying to tell me, recalling
the sentiments he was showing towards me. He asked “you don’t understand what I
am trying to say, right? I intentionally crossed his words and said “You have
gone mad”, but now I realize what I have started feeling about him.
Its hardly been a week we have known each
other, and these kind of sentiments, will they not hurt me later? Am I taking
this decision in my senses? Am I going right? Isn’t it too fast for me to take
such a vital decision? Thousands of questions again have made me think
hard…very hard.
Its 5 am in the morning, and am still
awake, seeing the sun rise, hearing the birds chirping. Is this a positive sign
of God that I am right? Yes, I am right. I am very much right. I have heard my
conscience saying that Yes “ I LOVE HIM”. I don’t care if he loves me or not,
he cares for me or not…I know I love him, if again my heart breaks that’s my
destiny, that’s my fault not his, because there is a very true saying that “ITS
BETTER TO LOVE AND LOOSE RATHER THAN NEVER TO LOVE”
LOVE YOU ALWAYS….YOUR SHONA
{Note: This is not written by me. This is written by a very close friend of mine. won't disclose her name as per her request.}
No comments:
Post a Comment