Standing on the Fence...

Here we stand with nothing more than a paper thin sheet of plastic between us. It could tear at any second. And, we would find ourselves entwined as one steamy mass of flesh and spirit. Or, fall apart and lay lifeless, lost and alone. We stand under a bright blue sky littered with mashed potato clouds. We stand upon a long, white picket fence with green grass on either side. How strange we stand side-by-side yet facing each other. What allows this to occur? What defiance of logic is this? We stand there...wavering...with a gentle breeze whispering messages in our ears...

"Do it."

"No. Don't do it."

"What are you waiting for?"

"Wait."

We stand presently classified as friends. Confidants. And, yet, even of that title we are not certain. Though we can see each other clearly--even think we see into each other--we stand confused. Naked? We cannot be sure if what we feel is primal...animal. Or if it is emotional...personal...special. We test the plastic between us often. Gentle at first. Then increasingly forceful with our touch.

Why don't we stop? Don't we realize that if we incur temptation, the plastic will not hold and the eminent result will be unleashed? Do we truly want that? Do we understand the cause and effect? The potential results? Good and bad?

We see others walking on either side of the fence. They are more attractive in some way yet we know nothing of what lies beyond their appearances. If only we could get close enough to judge them more efficiently. But, for now, we stand on the fence. We try not to look at each other. Try to call attention from one of the others. It makes us waver more. Then, we spin back around and find ourselves facing each other again. Do our hands touch? Grab hold of each other? We almost lost balance there. Almost fell into each other. How long can we stand here? Will we ever get tired of the thin, plastic barrier between us?

As our motions stabilize for the moment, we find nothing changes. We remain where we stand. Unable to move one way or another. Afraid of the outcome. How it will change us. Perpetually on the fence.

Head above the Water...

Time to let off a lil more steam from the recent weeks. [Note: I may very well repeat myself from earlier posts of this nature.] I have had a number of ideas on what to write next thundering in my head but have yet to force any of them out into existence. I blame my other wordly interactions here. I have talked to many people, read and commented here and there (and subsequently checked back on those comments like a good lil blog boy should) and faced my share of "drama"(word to ye momma).

I find myself in a quandry. I find myself without a mate (a woman) and casually poking around for one(everywhere I go). And, I also find myself in need of a friend. But, when it comes to female friends, it seems impossible.

Especially when single "friends" either take a strong interest/flirt heavily (whether or not I like their "situation" is another story) or decide to keep their distance once they hear something themselves. Suddenly, "friend" is wiping itself from the vocabulary board, and I am unable to talk to this person about maybe another woman I am interested in myself.

And, what of women in relationships/married? Time is not always available to be the best of friends. And, when a married woman gets a lil too free with her time here, suddenly this casual acquaintance is looking more like an affair. Or, how do I relate to the married details and be a good friend when I know nothing of it?[More on this in a bit.]

I find it difficult to both talk about such things with women as well as to hear other women talk about the men they are seeing/finding. Why can't I separate myself and just be a listenner with an opinion? I want to make a PSA..."Friends don't flirt." And, I still may write one up on this. I have very less male friends either that I can openly talk to about most of this stuff. So, I am really at a loss for freedom to speak and be heard/understood.

And, I admit it. Once you get to knowing and interacting with people on here, you watch your words in posts. Right? So much for speaking our minds. Now we have to watch out for our own mousetraps on the floor. Walking on eggshells...not a good friendship foundation.

I still am not sure if I am even friend worthy or a good friend to anyone. I have talked and listenned so much without achieving anything lasting that I have become a bit blind, deaf and dumb to what's around me. I am tired. I am spent. I just want things to happen. I don't want to fight or work too hard. I feel as if I am getting lazy and comfortable with fear...and I know it's a red flag I don't like at all. But, I am always confused as to what good I am as a friend. I feel more like a toy or a blog website than a friend. Blah.

WANTED: Someone I can call a friend with whom I will have no guams about mixed feelings or risk the relations. Someone who can talk with me about anything and feel good about it later. Someone who won't give up on it before I do:P Someone who will give me courage so that I may pay them back tenfold(whether in courage or other means). Someone I can hang out with and not be uncomfortable. To be comfortable and happy to share freely.

WANTED: A woman to travel the world with and spend the rest of my days loving who will pay me back tenfold(even if I feel I don't deserve it or owe her)...a joy and an inspiration(details pending).

I have seen new members rise and older(or not so old) ones fall or retreat/reboot. I have tried to be kind and honest with more people both online and off than I can count, and it has taken its toll on my body and brain.

I could easily say "screw this" and go on hiatus, but where am I going? And, with who? Why didn't I enter the writing contest? Or why I’m not willing to hand over my works to publication houses? Well, isn't it obvious?

Anyway, I have to stay strong and keep treading water as best I can. Head above water and keep it there. Will I ever find what I seek? Will it take sacrifice and lowering standards to get it/something? Will I ever be as smart as people think I am? Will I do anything amazing with it?

Land ho! Drama dead ahead! Ensign, set course for first post on the right and on til morning...

Summer Winds

Haazaron khawaaishein aisi ki

har khwaaish pe dum nikle

Bahut nikle mere armaan

Lekin phir bhi kam nikle

As summer winds blow gently upon my face, I felt the warmth of their breezes sweep away the drowsiness from my eyes.

I awake to a sun drenched morning full of billowing clouds of white, and an azure sky just kissing the mornings light.

I turn, and as the Earth once again returns its revolution around the sun, I awake to see the glorious view of my angel’s angelic face, tucked within the confines of my chest, as it heaves slowly up and down.

Experiencing such beauty, and knowing such love is a God made plan, created and enjoyed, only in the realm of Heaven, I give thanks.

Kabhi kisiko mukammal jahan nahin milta

Kahin zameen toh kahin aasman nahin milta

Tere jahan mein aisa nahin ke pyar na ho

Jahan umeed ho jatana wahan nahin milta

It was a Defiant Monday when I landed up in Bangalore at around 12 pm. It was a “bandh” (strike) led by the BJP protesting the hike of fuel prices. The bandh would last tiil 6pm, so I had to stay within the premise of the railway station. There was a slightly drizzle which made the atmosphere romantic. All I was lacking was…. I went back to the Bangalore City station’s platform no.2 as I cannot move forward towards my destination… I came across a novel that was in my bag… I enjoyed that novel…the novel was about an unusual Love Story in the Mumbai monsoons… The story revolved around “MAYANK” who was working as a marketing guy in a website called matchmaker.com and “REVATHI” who was the Ad Manager of Shagun-a bridal showroom. Mayank was 29 and single but Reavthi was married to Pranav(Ad Director) and she was almost 10 years older than MAYANK, and had a daughter named “RIA” who was 8. I finished the novel in almost 5 hours and it made my heart beat with an unknown exemplary feeling.

I stopped and contemplated my life, my hopes, and my dreams, and as I reflect, I envision life’s sorrows disappear as the magic of love touches, cleanses, and penetrates my very soul. It deciphers an immense energy and lightened up the face.

Wah shakl pighli toh

Har shaye mein dhal gaye jaise…

Ajeeb baat hui hai usse bhulane mein..

Love Knows no limits, no ages… it just Happens. “I love you”, and will remain loyal to your very heart, and one within your spirit always. It was the message that I could infer… This summer winds gave me a feeling that I never felt in my entire life. I would always remain grateful to this summer winds…

Blow on Summer winds, blow on.

The tomb of the unknown BLOG

You want to write something. You want to write it down. Get it out of your head. Like the last glob of toothpaste in the tube. It either just won't come out completely or it gets lost in the "daily grind". Still, you want to write it. But, then you find yourself overwhelmed by the traffic of others speaking their minds. Like standing among a room of strangers the first day at school, college or at some other social function. You want to speak. You have something to say. But, you are intimidated and distracted. Like being lost at sea unable to swim to shore. The current is so strong. Maybe you feel inferior or simply can't complete the thought. You want a beautiful symphony or a blooming radish rose, but all you can muster is a fart, a dud. The words fail to leave your lips and fingers like in a bad dream when you want to scream but the "world" won't let you. So, your words go unspoken...unwritten. This is the tomb of the unknown...the unwritten "blog". May it rest in peace...or find its way to the page.

And, for shits and giggles, for those familiar with the Change One Letter game...

Try turning GLOB into BLOG. Maybe then that kernel of thought will NOT go unwritten. Maybe this will jog your imagination.

GLOB

BLOG