Monday, August 30, 2010

Sitting Alone


There is a room that has four walls but no roof.  It is a room that has nothing in it except for a single wooden chair that sits in the middle of the room with a boy sitting on it huddled up.  There is a clock on the wall that the boy can hear ticking as each second passes.  The boy sits on the chair hugging his legs with his thin little arms.  He rests his head on his knees as he sits in this room with four walls and no roof.

There is no door in this room.  How did the boy get there?  No-one really knows.  He has been there for such a long time that no-one knows how or when He got there.  He is just there.

Sitting on the chair with the clock ticking in the room.  It's the constant ticking of the clock like his own heart beating that is the only object on the walls.  The walls are painted in a dark blue paint that makes the room seem very small and very dark.  There is no lamp to light up the space and no windows to let in the light.  The only light that can enter this room is from above but above this room is no sun.  There is only dark grey clouds.  The type of clouds that block out all of the suns warmth and light.  The type of clouds that only bring rain and thunder.  These clouds don't roll away.  They have always been over this room and will forever be there.

The boy sitting on the chair hugging his legs and resting his head on his knees sits there looking terrified.  He looks so frightened and so alone.  As He sits there He closes his eyes to avoid seeing what is around him.  He closes his eyes and tries to imagine a better place but He can't.  He has only ever seen these four walls and the clouds above him.  He has never seen anything beautiful and never seen outside the walls.  The ticking clock is his only friend and sometimes his only enemy.

As the clock ticks by, the boy knows that with each second his time in the room is less.  He enjoys this feeling knowing that each tick means a little closer to getting out but the clock is also his enemy.  For each tick is a long and painful time where the boy experiences nothing but terror and fear.  Each tick is one tick too many for his.

While sitting on his chair in the middle of the room the boy is too frightened to ever leave his chair.  He does not know what would happen if his feet were to touch the ground beneath his.  He fears far too much to even try.

As He sits there with his eyes closed listening to the ticking clock pass time he tries hard not to let a single tear run down his face.  He sits and waits for the ticking clock to stop and then the room with no roof and four walls will be empty.  Forever empty.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Forever Friendship/ Love

I do not believe in holding any other human Being hostage. Surely not literally and also not figuratively.

My Friendship is gifted with NO strings attached. What that means is this: a web site or a chat messenger is not the be all and end all to being a friend. If you were given my outside email addy or my phone number or both that is becuz YOU are a Forever Friend. You are not required to then do anything to continue to be a Friend. You can not talk to me and not communicate with me for years and then suddenly you can make contact again ~ and I WILL be right there for YOU.

If you require me to be ON this site to be your Friend ~ you will be sadly disappointed. For requirements such as that placed upon me will sooner or later leave you alone disappointed.

I am NOT placing any requirement upon you. If I have said you are a Forever Friend you are. If you choose that you do not need me as a Friend that still does NOT stop me from maintaining YOU as a Friend inside my Heart. This Heart of mine deletes NO ONE. Ten years from now (Life willing) you suddenly decide to make contact you will find that I have been caring gently with Love for YOU right inside my Heart. It will show in the happiness in my voice when you call. It will show in the delighted response when you email me. It will show upon my face when you greet me face to face.

I do not require you jump thru any hoops to have placed YOU on the Friends List in my Heart.

Many a friend from many years ago has discovered just how true this really is when they called or wrote again after all the years.

Unless I am dead I respond. Unless I am in detention I respond.

When someone says to me: If you do this or you do not do that then you do not really Love me and/or then you are not really my Friend ~
Here is my response: I am sad that you feel the need to put some sort of tether on me to keep me as a friend or to keep my Love. For when I gave the Friendship ~ when i gave the Love ~ it truly was Forever no matter what. I hope someday you may learn that there never is a need to place any tethers upon a relationship that is secure. I hope you will be able to overcome the insecurities inside you now someday somehow somewhere ~ that then you might truly know you know you know this Forever friendship ~ Forever Love no matter what.

We can not hope to hold hostage or to tie down what was always meant to be freely given.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Wish I Could tell this all to YOU

I wish I could tell you how much I Love You

And when I closed my eyes i'll see you

When I open my eyes..I long to see you

Even when you are not Near me.


I feel you in everything I'm surrounded by..

Every second every minute..all the time..

My eyes search only for you..

Call it Love..Madness or just my heartbeats 



A lot of people have loved before

But my Love stands apart from all of because

They don't have YOU..

I can't ever forget YOU..

I don't want to forget YOU..



I will offer you my elixir..poison

I will offer you my happiness..

I will love you forever..

i will love you till I die and even after that..


Monday, August 16, 2010

Just Once

Just once
I'd like to wake up
And not be afraid to face the day.
To not get that uneasy feeling
Of being alone and aimless.
Of not knowing how to fill my day
Without relying merely on "tinkering",
Shopping, walking and hobbies
That all take money
And time away from making money
Which this world demands of me.
Which makes me shake.
I can't be creative
Or think too much, too long,
When work is in demand
And service I must supply.
My life is on the line.
And, the clock keeps ticking.
I hate that feeling.

Just once
I'd like to wake up smiling,
Eager and grateful for each new day.
Ready with a plan.
Never wasting a moment
On fidgetting, second-guessing and worry.
I'd know just how to make the most
Of time and season.
I'd approach others warmly
Without concern and hesitation.
Without preoccupation.
A clear head
Whether or not the sky is cloudy.
No regrets.
Accepting and learning
From accidents and mistakes.
Helping to make this world
A better place.
Making an honorable name for myself.

Just once
I'd like to know
And believe
I'm alright.
I'm safe.
I can relax.
I'm happy with my life.
My family.

I await...
No.
I seek that day
Like a lighthouse at sea.
I want to believe it's there.
That I will find it.
Reach it.
Achieve it.
Have and hold it.
Be grateful for it.
Just once.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Opulent Songbird...


When I am sitting alone by a window and having creative thoughts, I can almost hear a bird chirping. A female songbird calling to me. Singing in tune with my thoughts. Encouraging me and my wildest dreams. Those thoughts that I am not so comfortable to share with the public. Questionable things. Personal matters. Intimate details. Things that go deep under the skin and may cause awkward situations if any stranger became involved. She is a muse. A source of beauty and inspiration...of fantasy and temptation.

One day, in my travels, I found this songbird. Or, maybe, one of many like her. She was sitting on a diamond perch surrounded by the slender vertical bars of a gilded cage. A cylinder of solid gold with a diamond perch on her swing and a diamond ring chained to the tree branch from which she hung.

She was a beautiful golden yellow bird with black wing tips. A white underbelly with a faint pink blush around her neck. Her forked tail was long and curled at the end(again with black feathers underneath the two long, yellow fingers). She sang with such a soothing, sweet voice. It strangely left the taste of lemonade in my mouth.

The sun warming my back. I was starting to sweat and feeling thirsty. I was compelled to tell her that she was, in fact, a beautiful creature though wondering if I wasn't just suffering from a starving mind and/or heart. And, upon noticing my complimentary behavior, she sang to me in gratitude. Her song put a smile on my face. I felt like a flower bud coming to life.

I attempted to sing with her in harmony. Many times we stepped on each other's toes. Our tongues tangled by ignited passions and impulsive second thoughts. Discouraged by entanglements and misunderstandings yet we never stopped trying. Always harmonizing like two shooting stars swirling through the cosmos. Argumentative at times. Playful at others.
I leapt at the thought to free her. Pondering why she must remain in such an unnatural prison. Her beauty and song were more precious than the gold and jewels around her. Surely, if she was free to fly about, she would happily accompany me the rest of our days. We would make a joyful duet. Before I knew what I was doing, I found my hand reaching up to undo the lock.

Suddenly, there came a loud, booming sound from high above the songbird's cage.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

A low, bellowing voice which shook the tree. The gilded cage tossed and turned, ruffling the songbird's feathers. Her new song was one of intense fear and apprehension. A scared little child crying out from under her bed.

The sky grew dark and grey. A strong wind moaned and swirled with the clouds, tossed decaying leaves across my face like pointing fingers. Fingers finding fault with my desires. My actions.

I covered my head with both hands and winced at the shrill cries coming from the songbird. She was terrified! Pleading for the threatening weather to stop!

Eventually, her sharp warble took on a gentle tone. A happy tune to soothe the savage beast. A quiet prayer, telling all within range that everything would be alright. It seemed like a fleeting effort til the winds started to settle. Soon, I was able to lift my head and lower my hands.

Her song regained its lovely tone. She sang of contentment and safety. Of luxurious fruits that pleased the eye and satisfied the appetite. But, her face told a different story. When the storm had ceased, I looked up at her cage and saw tears in her eyes.

She was still deeply depressed, repressed and hungry. It was at that moment that I realized the grave nature of that cage. That prison within which she was kept. And, the grave nature of the force being held over her. This was the essence, the pattern of her life. Forever imprisoned under a forceful hand with no choice of her own. Only the base promises of earthly possessions, a trophy room given to her by King Midas himself during his mad phase with the golden touch. A fabricated happiness that slowly gnawed away at her greater soul. The spirit trapped within the bird trapped within the gilded cage. A spirit of untapped joys and creativity unable to break free and blossom beyond her present limitations. Such potential bottled and bound. A crime against nature. A mystery perhaps never to be resolved. A terrible shame.




[Would I leave the songbird thither and keep her only in memory? Or, would I find the means to free her from that gilded prison? You decide. Feel free to write your own follow-up in my comment box.]

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Just for Today

Just from today I am going to:

* realize that I can not change people.
* know that I am only responsible for myself and my actions.
* realize that I can not fix everything.
* try not to be disappointed in the actions of others.
* realize that we are all so very different.
* not criticize the viewpoint of others.
* accept that my role is a small one.
* give as much as I get.
* be loving and kind in all interactions.
* know that what I say can affect others.
* remember to lift other people up.
* know that how I feel about situations, will not be the same as how other people feel. We are all coming from our own life experiences.
* walk with my chin up, chest out, always moving forward.
* know that I am loved and respected.
* do unto others, as I'd have done to me.
* remember that tears are wasted on stupidity.
* reach out for the comfort I need.
* remember that I am the lucky one.
* remember the blessings and wishes I get from my elders and dear ones.
* love me for me, as I am a sweet muffin. :)
* listen to the sounds of nature.
* listen for the gentle tinkle of small children's laughter.
* renew my faith in human kind.
* look for the silver lining.
* go to my happy place, and just stay there.

I hope your Friendship Day (Sunday) is a good one.

Struggling over here. :(

peace and love and all things bright and beautiful :)