Transformation

Meet me on the other side. Come what will, I have chosen, I am going, I will be there. My soul has been informed there will be a ‘strangeness’ coming and probably ’she’ will understand and accept my position. She hangs a bit back, a little afraid of this unknown coming, will ‘she’ embrace this transformation? I tell her to breathe and wait… Won’t you meet me on the other side with hope in your heart? Won’t you trust yourself to process this ‘adventure’ with courage having faith that we can work out anything together? Won’t you relish in the delicacy and excitement of the unknown? Are you scared to look within? Isn’t security of spirit a death to feeling alive? Isn’t that why we enjoy others’ drama? Come what will, I have chosen. But wait, it is not totally a ‘choice’... is it? Both a choice and not. Tied to you from another choice made long ago, I leap into the unknown, tremulously, trusting the flow of what will be. I look within and you know I have no choice but to make this choice. If I’m honest I continue unravelling what love is… and being brave is part of that path. Protecting myself from the pinions awaiting under love’s cloak is a choice that will suffocate love’s lessons. And here, where we bare our souls, where we stab at being ourselves in the safety of partial anonymity what other venue is comparable? Here where we can expose our vulnerable tender feelings hoping for acceptance and attention would it not be foolish to not open our hearts and support this change? Meet me on the other side. Won’t you meet me on the other side. I’ll see you on the other side. I will be on the other side. Carried by the forces that etch my destiny, from the past, now and into the future, what else is there to do? In the mystery of the written word, in the mystique of perception, in the question of communication, am I writing about my ****** transition, life, accepting death or something other? A subjectivity to all, A transformation… yikes… I am fading… I am too much depressed…has it begun? Will see you on the other side !!!

People are Mean

I don't think I'll ever understand why people are so mean. It's so frustrating. I get  harassed for no reason….everyone just uses me for their own benefits….but when I ask them to do a small favour for me they just back out…. They just give various reasons to avoid that and when they finally get the reaction they're looking for, they get angry and start a fight. I don't know why exactly they do it. No one has spared me from this….. my relatives..my friends… not even…….

Maybe they're bored or they're jealous of that person or maybe it's revenge, no matter how long ago an issue had occured between the two, or maybe they're just having problems in their life and this just helps them cover it up and make them feel better. But no matter what the cause, the result is relatively the same. Someone gets hurt one way or another..

I don't need anyone's help...I just want to inform to that person that I can....and I will stand on my own feet....and i will prove this 

The Real Me--- A True Story

Its been crazy!
Have thought since long i need to write. I don’t know why i cant stick to my writing schedules. I write and then don’t for such long times........wonder can a writer/Communicator ever be this way.......

Honestly to write and read as many books as i can is one deep desire.......a real one at that!

I don’t really recount the time since i have been interested in writing.......maybe the time when i used to my library classes on every Wednesday at 12 during school time. That point in time we used to get crazy books to read ( i don’t really remember which ones we read though)....and i used to come across random magazines where addresses for pen friends would be given.....i always wanted to make one. Some of my classmates did have them and it intrigued me from then to talk to people in written.

I did try my hand at writing and communicating with a couple of my school chums. To be precise, Prisca & Sushmita............All waned with time. Somehow one tends to leave behind things as one grows or moves on. The next few years of after my schooling where i got moulded mostly to what i am today need a different type of treatment to be mentioned.........so that would come later.

Well talking of my writing tryst and reading as well, the real boost came from Priti. She, whom i met while i was doing my plus 2 set a real life example of what it is like writing a diary......(i have many types of writing to mention, so just be alert). To give a real idea, this girl had been influenced by someone else to write (it’s like a never ending chain....one keeps influencing the other) and she had used this to vent her feelings out when she simultaneously had two crushes (can you believe it was on our friends that we hung out with, and she was perplexed as hell whom to concentrate on). She used her diary to understand which one really was love and the other soothing the eye kind of candy........(the candy was too charming though!)

Now how did i learn to not write regularly – I owe this to Priti as well. One fine morning, much later to her realisation who her real love was, this weirdo calls to tell, that I have to bunk college and accompany her for an important task. I had readily done that. But, hold u, I was taken for a huge surprise. She took me to the open area outside a society here her real love actually lived, made me sit on the mud, all the while trying to prevent us both from coming into the lens of her if-would-have-been-in-laws and asked me to help her tear her diary.......(Insane na?)......she burnt it right away......Reason, the guy not taking her seriously and her diary silently questioning her as to where was her now-on-never-on relation was heading, gave her such heart ache that she thought better to get rid of it......Silly of her to think so.....Anyway now that guy and she make a couple at last. Well a small nugget of wisdom here, this actually helps you know. The tearing and imagining to get rid of things helps. Geet (Jab we met) said the same, if u believe screen/fictional characters as i do. "Not everyone in this world has the fate to cherish the fullest form of Love. Some are born, just to experience the abbreviation of it."

Coming back to the real thread of thoughts, apart from this all, i happened to read “The Diary of Ann Frank”...Well while i was in school, class 10 exactly, we had a seminar on a topic and this was taken up by Sr. Rose. She was all of 65 plus. And yes she took this topic and did a good job at it. Well during the course of the seminar she had mentioned about this book and it just stuck with me. Never got an early opportunity to read the novel (it isn’t a novel but a memoir though) but when i joined college the first thing i did was to look for this diary though my college never stocked any worthwhile fictional books.

I read it at one go (I read almost everything at a go) and was fascinated by it truly. In actuality, the book was written in French and was later translated to English but the language used just bowled me over. I decided just then that i have grown up to that standard and alas! There was sown the seed for my desire to do something in literature. This is yet to be accomplished.

These have been my sources of inspiration to write. I spend around 14 to 15 hours per day on the internet and read anything that is possible…be it science, philosophy other people’s feelings or even the most desired of thoughts. Nevertheless i enjoy it thoroughly. I can as well mention it is therapeutic. I have tried writing a simple diary, then a blog and then an e-diary but most have been left just like dat. Well, but my actual naive attempts where writing on the backside of my notebooks.....small little incidents recounted in the dramatic language that my English readers taught me. It’s surprising how i don’t manage to do something that’s my true calling. People run helter shelter trying to find their true calling, and here i know what is mine but yet i make excuses....Craziness at its best!

As we grow we have so many things happening around us that we forget most things that should actually find a permanent place in our memories. We hear love is what binds everyone and its true. Beauty can attract but it can’t hold people for a longer time…i.e for a maximum period of 2 to 3 months and then it becomes the Hi…Bye Stuff. Love is defined by several people with different meanings but it doesn’t hold true in the real life. They say it just requires a “YOU” & “ME” to make “WE”. Priti did the same and she got her Love but it was not the same in my case and this is where penning helps. At least, I have been through this. Mostly i don’t forget things that have a concern to me but somehow i forgot the happenings of that day (27th Dec 2008) which had been the base for an important decision that i had taken. (Not that i have a sharp memory but it’s just a Leo thing to remember things that have effected you for a long time.)

While dropping me at my home she said a small phrase to me which I will never forget in my lifetime. She stood by that phrase and got everything she wanted. She taught me a lesson that what was a dream once upon a time can come true anytime…The only thing you have to do is to have hope and believe in your dreams.

More about that day and that decision later.

I again make feeble attempts to write. This time it is going to be different though. Am writing more like a start and finish thing.....(i mean pretending to pen a story). Almost cramming my 22 years in how less pages i can because i desperately want to do this. Its the right time and the desperation comes from watching “The Curious case of Benjamin Button”

Talking of 22. Well i never really liked my birthdays but this one was very saddening. While i was a teen and more younger, my papa used to comment “Why have birthday celebrations? A year of your life is gone”. That used to be my first brush with a real thought, though i disliked him saying so always.

I don’t really remember being extremely happy on my birthdays. I have cried on almost all of them. A couple of them have been nice but never over-the-top kind. This birthday was different. I was like “Hey! Am 22. What have i done all these years?” It was for the first time that i felt, wish just time moved back. I wanted to be back to school.

My mom has been idealistic mostly. She used to always say school days never come back yet i used to long to get out of school and go to college. Let me tell you, am going to tell the same thing to my kid(when I will have) as my mom, though am sure he/she may never realise the wisdom of it till in school. (Just like me). The longing to be back to school has been very strong all this year. Its not that i enjoyed schooling so much but for the fact that as kids life is very different. Thoughts are pure, heart and mind as well. The innocence and the joy never get re-experienced.

Also as kids even little is much. I had this awesome dress and i always fought with my bro to wear that. It was on Saturdays that we would be home early and could wear it and flaunt across in the colony. The deciding task would be who would reach home quicker and change quickest.

You know, i would enjoy washing the mob every Saturday as i found it so much fun (i never got any other clothes to wash and washing the washed clothes never excited me, so the mob). When i think of such little things, any joy of now falls short. "The worth is realised when things leave you." This is such a golden rule and applies almost everywhere and in every walk of life.

Coming back from nostalgia (all this is pure nostalgia though  ), my life isn’t like the life cycle of a butterfly. One stage hasn’t led to the other. Its been more like a khichdi, everything mixing in and adding some flavour (experience i mean). God would know how its going to taste. (By the way khichdi of any kind is welcomed by most people, so i guess this would make an interesting read)

To get to juicy facts, let me recount my summer adventures. Early summers my time was spent on my balcony watching my sis and her friends mostly playing ghar – ghar ( all Indian girls play this for sure. Its so much ingrained in us). We (includes my sis and cousins) then progressed to becoming entrepreneurs. How? Here it follows.

My uncle being an famous surgeon, used to hold camps where he operated my cerebral palsy and polio patients at the least possible cost. One used to be held in the summer and people from all over south states and can say india used to come. Now we were made in charge of registration of patients and finance to an extent every time. This used to be fun time for us and we would act as though no one on earth is as busy as us. (Even my uncles and papa wouldn’t be that busy)

There used to be these two people working for us (manager kinds). One was Pavan and the other Mahender. But Pavani and Mallika, respectively for us. Now, Mallika was eye candy (The dark tall and handsome kind of guy) for us. We used to have gala time discussing them and making them fall into trouble. We used to throw pebbles at them while they would be engrossed in serious discussions with my uncles. What fun it was to see them scolded!....i know i am being mean, but then “What have you been, if u have never been mean”.

The summers then moved on to be discussion times where i exchanged my thoughts and the years experience with my friend, Prachi. This was serious introspection time where she lived through all my happenings through my words and me vice versa. We talked, we discussed, we advised and we relived the time over again.
And all this would be by sneaking onto the terrace at midnight and not letting a single breathing soul in our house ever being aware of this. We used to have just each other and rare but welcoming summer breeze with the starry night above us. Well i am not trying to romanticize this but just trying to make you picture how important talks with anyone are to be handled with.

The rest of the summers mostly have been trying to make ends meet with exam every June. Nevertheless they have been enthralling. Most times i have thought why is it only i don’t get to have a carefree vacation, but then what i have wouldn’t have been possible without the toiling and burning midnight lamp.

Talking of exams i need to mention something. I am gifted. I truly am. That’s the reason i get people to say things like “ You are a gem of a person”...(a dear friend said that)..”Correcting Sri’s paper is like correcting the text book”...(my social studies teacher of 9th said that when she was bidding us good bye as she was leaving the country).....”Unlike the usual he comes to your wavelength, we don’t have to stoop like for other students”..(8th std Biology ma’am to my papa on the PT meet)..and the recent one “ i haven’t known any other boy like u in this contemporary world”....(a colourful character of plus 2).......I haven’t done anything great to get these words but i feel humbled each time i recollect the words. It makes me happy . Maybe because this has been a prime reason why I have got my parents and grandparents to smile. But then this is not enough.

Its like one thought is leading me to the other. Happiness........

I have so many big words with bigger question marks unanswered, unexplained. I never get their meaning. Friend, Happiness, Trust, Love, Honesty, Hate etc.......there may be more to the list..
To an extent i relate to the words Honesty and Love. But then these two should surpass and include the rest. Yet i don’t identify with the others.

Honesty is something that defines me. I don’t say i m pure as milk, but i would say “i call a spade a spade”. Honestly most people can’t relate to it. I am straight forward and have had people confirm that for me. Some have loved me for it and others have despised that. This has also been a deciding factor for many of my relations. The fate has been decided for them because of it. More highlight on it later.

Love- I realise it’s the most beautiful emotion one can ever experience but it’s also the most misunderstood one. Many people have given a new dimension to the word each time. It’s heartening to learn how this one word can mean so many beautiful things to different people.

Hate – this is too huge an emotion for my little heart (My fist aint as big). I have learnt this one life that, what we get is not big enough for us to hold grudges and use this emotion on any one. One must abstain from using the word to actually try and stop from ever experiencing it.

But i have also understood the divide between love and hate is too small. One can take the other form without even realising when the cross over take place. Well you can make out i am just giving faint ideas about every topic i wish to touch on. The briefs and then the full length story.

Relations & Trust- The biggest asset one can earn in life, also the biggest device to play with people. I have experienced the negative aspects more often. Well i wouldn’t call my tryst with relations hugely negative but then for me they have hugely influencing and effecting.

Had just lately caught up with Chetan Bhagat’s fourth work – 2 States, The story of my marriage. Read it, enjoyed it but not as much as 5 point someone. Then read the reviews of various people. It’s astonishing to actually see 100 people having 100 opinions...Just brings forth the point- “ People are all biased. Biased by their experiences and their expectations. Hence every one’s frame of reference and judgement is different”

The same old saying though may sound cliché holds true always – You can see the glass as half filled or as half empty.

I’’l elaborate here. Most like CB’s books. That is because you can relate to it, there is no dramatic use of language, its lucidly told, less pages and has good dose of masala of every kind....(His books give enough amount of gratification that most think is the BEST they can read....:-)....let me tell you there is much better stuff written elsewhere..i intend pun here.)

When i had first read his first novel, 5 point someone i loved it to the core. Reasons as below:
- I was just in +2 and i could very well relate to the stress related to appearing for the entrance exams that are a galore.
- I also related to the emotions his protagonists go through at that age........i had a plenty of weird emotions myself.
- I simply loved the character Ryan. I would any day die to meet someone like him and to be like him in real........
The next thing i knew was i ended up reading all his works. Even his columns in Times of India, his blog, his tweets etc.

(My observation: All his novels have similar character like Ryan of 5PS. Vroom in 1 night @ the call centre and then Ishaan in 3 mistakes of my life. Just the 4th doesn’t have it......i dint like the fact though. Anyway Ryan is the best though!)

That man is a true marketing genius. (Now marketing is going to be one big topic here, not the management study type of marketing but societal one). I mean have you ever seen any other author be such a public figure. His name reckons a force. The other USP’s are I like his glasses rimmed face, moreover his academic merits (was longing myself to go to one of the premier institutes and he has been to two........voila!, wish i had his kismat), his ability to have shunned a white collar job and take up what is his calling and lastly very secretly the fact that he has twins (i don’t know why i find this so amusing).

Well about people and their reviews about his work- Many criticize his work saying that he is too bollywoodish kind, isn’t as lyrical, just makes item numbers a part of his stories so as to spice it up and etc...Yes he is so what?

One thing i conclude here is that all people have certain basic instincts that never change come what may. There is no such thing as turning over a new leaf ever. You can make paneer any which way you want to but then paneer will be paneer and salt/sugar {basics} would always be needed. (What a funny example to give)
So come what may CB is going to write the way he knows best. (I did another dumb thing...ended up asking people what is their style of writing? Writing isn’t distinct like different streams of science.....{anything i do science has to be a part of it} so how can one classify styles, silly me!)

Further analysis makes me say, what is important is that sensibilities match between people. No one is ever going to change the way they are. You end up having nice rapport with people who match your sensibilities or may compliment your basic instincts. That’s the reason why some may find you interesting while others may not. The physiology of “Likes attracting likes is true”. Two opposites can’t sustain the relation for long. One would have to get moulded suiting the others sensibilities.

Well this is becoming more like a non-fictional account of philosophy. I need to spice this up.
Let’s start by a dramatic line – I love scandals. I love falling into some problem or the other. If nothing interesting keeps happening with me then I get bored. (I will make to Limca records for falling bore the fastest........anyone reading this can give me serious competition though)

A pretty crazy incident of my life:

People size up looking up and down. I do it differently. I go by the voice.

It was the final days of my first work life (internship days). I was naive like hell. We had one client for which i ended up working for mostly and doing a lot of varied works for them. (I should have been their employee, would have earned a six figure salary from start, but here i was doing all their work for peanuts). They had a new joinee. Shilpa Jain. The Jain drew my attention. Well, i never visited the client earlier but i knew all the employees and all my work was routed through someone else from my office. So i just had known her name. Never seen her.

A little brief about this lady. She was a lawyer by profession and a singer. Singing was her hobby. An exemplary speaker. Great voice. Interesting conversations. Topper of Nalsar university.

Well, the clients secretarial work, i was told was to be routed through her. I began my encounter with her through mails. First were formal as hell. Ms. Jain slowly became Shilpa.

Later i needed to telephone this girl. I did. And let me tell you, was floored by her voice. Mentally i had to tell myself “ Dumb, don’t concentrate on the voice but on the words being said”. I composed myself and then got back to work.

She later shared with me few tips about professionalism and the likes and dislikes.
Just then someone happened to put a caller tune to my number. This girl calling me and it goes “ Doorie sahi jaye na… It was embarrassing as hell.

When you actually get into corporate world is when you realise what it is to understand people and how to handle varied characters.

Once the final meeting was done and the deal was set, we happened to receive a mail from this girl addressed to me and my boss. The mail written at 4 a.m. and it wasn’t all of appreciation. It totally screwed me and sucked me…later on my boss screwed me by saying some harsh words.

My immediate response was i need to talk to this girl. I called her and said, “I don’t call in professional capacity (It was a Saturday and we dint work on Saturdays) and when someone has taken pains to write a mail at 4 in the morning they deserve a verbal response.”

We ended up talking informally forgetting happily i had called her to respond to her comments about the work mail. I learnt just as me even she wasn’t ever able to read “The Monk who sold her Ferrari” beyond the point where the protagonist reaches the Himalaya’s. (I tried reading ther book twice but never through beyond).

We discussed that and there because she happened to be a spiritual soul. I learnt about her mom being ill. Her family being full of engineers and doctors. She being the only scapegoat having taken up law and singing as career. Yet proving she wasn’t just a black sheep but with a shining armour. Also that she was originally from Delhi but born and brought up in Hyderabad Delhi yet her colour said she was from the north eastern states (a crazy racial detail that i wasn’t interested in). Her schooling being from Delhi Public School. Also how she had her client trouble her in the wee hours during her 1st year of work (just as i was being), her sis being in US and such other things.

I contracted typhoid after that. Was off work for some time. When i got back, this particular clients work never left me. I was helping my colleague with accounting entries for this client. I saw the bills these people got reimbursements for. Saw her bill. And started hating her from the moment.

Her bills spoke louder . Chicken lasagne. Grilled tuna sandwich. I was pissed to the core.
There was another assignment for the client. My boss always got me tied with this clients work. Again i had to get into contact with this girl. I hated it. So i dint. Found another person, Manoj, at the clients place to route my mails. (I never knew that this guy, SJ i mean and Manoj make like a Bunty-Babli Jodi of the client).

After the assignment, we had the lawyer again mail us. This time it was different. It was all praise. For me. With a few side kicks of course.

Tere jane ka asar kuch aisa hua mujh par,

tujhe dhoondte dhoondte, maine khud ko paa liya... 

Ego Adjustment

We all have our reasons to be born into this world of suffering and stress. In fact the amount of suffering that goes on and on this planet is of such a degree as not to be found on any other planetary system in this galaxy. As one treads the path of initiation and, in time, a Master ,he is then awarded with the title of a 'Graduate of Painful Endeavour' and has become a full bloomed Buddha and a Lord of Compassion. 18 million years ago the first human souls took up their abode within a group of advanced animal men who became ready to receive the spark of MIND and to become a self-realized human being, and the whole human evolution began from there in what was known as the 5Th sub race of the third root race of this present 4Th round.

Those who have the wisdom to understand can see that we were the fallen ''angels' 'who fell from ''heaven'' and became the informing life of all humanity, thus we are the ''Sons of Mind'' and within us all is the living divine fire of divine self-realization and all human beings have the seeds that will one day flower forth into the divine spiritual or a Buddha and to be the divine instructors of a primitive humanity who's egos are still encased within the higher evolved members of the animal kingdom.

Looking in the mirror each day, a smile plays across my lavish face. "Hey, pretty thing!" I chirp in boyish enthusiasm. A luxury I feel I've earned. And, confidence bubbling, my face washed, my teeth scrubbed furiously (with polish and paste, no less) I face the world beyond my door with a song in my heart. As girls and women smile at me, I feel reaffirmed in my belief; I'm one lucky guy. I tickle my enthusiasm with talking to others, at my first meeting going into stories about what I am, the wherefores and why's of it, and connecting on a level closer to friend than stranger. I can conquer this world, if only they could make a crown big enough for my head.
Can anything satiate my hunger for more?

I change my mind with my mind. The process is of the mind and takes place in the mind. There is only the mind – my awareness, my reality. And that is the beauty and stupidity of it; I change my mind with my mind. There is nothing outside of my mind and all I can use is my mind. It is the ultimate internal transformation.

At some point there occurs a disconnection between Me and the mind. I understand that I am not the mind. Then there is the real I and the mind. Yet still I have to change the mind using the mind, but the real me can remain at a distance and unaffected, whereas the Me as identified with the mind cannot and is always affected.

The mind is changing the mind, while part of the mind is fighting the mind, since it does not want to change. The resisting mind is the part that wants to hold on to the “I” i.e. identification with the mind.

This is a bit of a self boasting venture, by the way. This is how I feel now and then, and by gummy bears it feels good. I can be the nicest person ever... BUT... do not put me in a position where my ego is bruised or i may feel humiliated. Sometimes people may not realize what they are doing but it ends up bruising my ego... once i feel humiliated i become catty and the ugly streak in me comes out. Yesterday, coz of this I scolded severely to a corporate personnel who is 10 years older to me… I try to hide it by just keeping my thoughts to myself... But everybody has those days when you just can't meet people’s eyes, can't be bothered to chat with others and just want to crawl into a corner. I find both interesting, a flip side of the coin of life. Chins up, my friends. Life could be good, could be bad, but at least I’m still living :)

You Think You Know Me

Could you be the one for me?
Could you be my find?
Could it be, after all this time,
Fate is going to be kind?

Could you be the one for me,
The one to help me forget
The gal that broke my heart, my soul
The gal that haunts me yet?

You tell me that I’m nice
Something I’ve never heard
But the one still lives here in my mind
That couldn’t spare a kind word

It’s going to be hard to forget
And pick up the pieces she left
Could you be the one to teach
How to love again and forget?

Could you be the one to come
And mend my broken heart?
Are you willing to piece together
What another broke apart?

It won’t be an easy job, you see
My road has been long and rough
And the heart that was once so soft
Is now shut, locked, and tough

But I can feel my heart open again
It’s opening for you
Just come in, and love me back
That’s all you have to do

I must ask you one small thing
Before we kiss and part
Please be nice and kind to me
I’m tired of broken hearts

Some where the writer says that heart of his, which was just so soft and kind some time ago, thanks to that person who broke it, now it is no more that soft.  Now it is no more that soft.  Now it’s just locked and it has become so much tough.  People who break hearts, people who leave their loved ones for their own gains, selfishness, people who back off on the path of love, they never understand the true meanings of love and loving someone.  It’s very easy to break a heart.  What is tough is to be with some one! It’s very easy to be selfish and do things just for your own good and for your own benefit.  It’s so tough to do something for others.  It’s so much tough to do something for some one.  But there are some selfish, some who considered themselves ********* and cold hearted people in this world too who don’t understand the pain of others, who just have complaints but not few words of appreciation, who just call that person stupid who has done something for them.  Is that person really stupid who went through all that pain for his loved one or is that person is so much stupid who gave away everything for the sake of love? You are among those who never bothers that someone is doing something for you, if you say to him/her that whatever he/she has done, it was just his/her wish, you never asked him to do that for you and it was just him who was stupid enough to do all that much for you. If you are among those who say to their loved ones when they are crying with the pain given by you that you don’t have time for their tears and some one’s tears doesn’t mean anything for you coz you have your own problems and that “someone” is no one else but that person who loved you from the bottom of his heart than just remember this, you never will know how much damage you have done!  You have not just broken the heart of that special someone but also you have killed that very feeling, you have broken that trust that was there some time ago on love in the heart of that person.  You must know this that it’s not so easy to be in love and those who are just selfish and come up with explanations supporting their selfishness only, they can’t love someone.  Those who give pain and tears to others, they can’t understand what is love and how to love someone.  Those who know just about their own benefit’s, they are just playing with the feelings of others.  Why do people do like that? When you know you can’t give happiness to someone, who has given you the right to give pain to him? When you can’t take someone’s tears from their eyes, then who has authorized you to give the same tears to the other person? But it’s not something about which answer can be given because this world is filled with the people like these only who do everything for just their own benefit and then come and try to prove their act right with the reasons supporting them. True love and devoted lovers are just now sleeping in the books only. People of today just know how to say that I have to leave you and be selfish for myself as this is the best for me to do. Is it right or is it wrong you want to know? I don’t have the answer as I myself is trying to find the answer for the same puzzle. If you know the answer than let me know too, that’s all I can say.

(Disclaimer:- I read the first 32  lines some time ago. These were not written by me but somehow I couldn’t stop myself from posting them here. Some things which are mentioned here are just so true and if you have loved someone and have got pain in reward of that, you will agree with me.) 

A Lost Soul's Imagination

In some way, all of us here are lost souls. We come from different pages of a similar book.Different people with different circles.

Rich and poor.

Daring and foolish.

Afraid and meek.

Young and old.

Faithful (though still lacking) and faithless.

Writers.

Painters.

Carpenters.

Parents.

Children.

The busy out-and-about and the homebodies. But, all tie together one way or another. We all join by this lake or fire and bear pieces of our souls. We might shave flecks of emotion... Peel back the skins of our guarded feelings...Cut out chunks of our hearts like slabs of potato... Try to tame the flickering flames of doubt and fear by hand... Pour out buckets of cold tears... Or share the warm milk of joyful moments.

Still, we come to the lakeside and stare across the water. We call out, waiting for a reply or echo. Do you see it? The colors in the water from the time of day? Do you sense how broad that lake is? How far across others may be?

We want to be heard. We want to be appreciated. We may think we are alone and/or different. And, in some ways, we are. Still, we come and wish to share. Wish to be heard and understood. Wish to be embraced. Even if we have lucky ones in our lives to hold, Each of us is here for a similar reason. And, sadly, it is not to simply share the joys of this life.

Why can we not be here to share in happiness, Rather than questions and sadness? Why does this place of sharing invite more misfortune, Than light of hope and rewarded faith? Do we fear the breeding of jealousy and division?Do we fear putting out the flame of community? Do we fear our own differences?

One day it would...

it WILL...

be nice to sit around this fire...

By the lake--

No longer full of tears and fears

But a warm bath in which we can all feel comfortable--

And share mutual success without souls lingering in the cold.

-------

I think one of the keys to this success/happiness is connections.

I never forget what one classmate years ago said to me

about how important it was to make connections.

She was right.

And, I pray we all make the right connections here

if not in our daily lives outside the computer.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I find myself always lingering Toward the sea of depths in my mind. But, days go by empty-handed. And, I don't always like what I find. I long to face reality With a reassuring smile upon my face. This world of wishes and my fantasies Is worth nothing if left in its place. So, I must make a bold decision And stand firm against the tides. Hold fast to the ropes of progress and sleep where firmer ground resides.

I will write of love when I find it. I will speak of romance when there's some to shaaare. I will cast the spells of fantasy When the time is right for me. And, then I'll knooow iiit's theeere...

How do I explain what I feel? Kiss me so that I may find the words on my lips. How do I tell the story clearly for all to comprehend? Stroke fingers with me on my head so that I may feel every detail. How do I paint the picture with all the colors that I seek? Love me so that I may see with the greatest brilliance. Together, we will uncover the missing links, Complete the broken sentences, Fix the lingering mistakes, Frame the best pictures,

and wow the masses with our blazing genius. Together, we will make the murky clear and stimulate all senses with delight and accuracy. Together, we will work like infinity. An endless flow of thought and feeling

Perfecting symmetry.

three varying bits of thought on the subjects of love, creativity and daydreaming/fantasy versus reality